Malin

There's a reason why I haven't written here so much the last 2 weeks, it's because I haven't had time. I have been working a lot. Also I haven't been feeling that good, I think I have a cold that is slowly getting to me, it sucks because I'm not feeling that bad so I should stay at home and sleep.. but I'm feeling too bad to work, so it's not a good combination. I hope that it will either disappear soon, or that I will get a cold and I will be fine soon again.

I have been thinking a lot lately as well. I'm still not over the whole thing with K, it's a month now since we broke up. We haven't had any contact in 3 weeks. I don't have a problem with that, I don't want any contact with him, the feelings I did have for him, they are gone. But even if they are gone, I'm not over the fact that I have been hurt like hell. Because my self-esteem is zero. It doesn't exist right now. To be honest, it feels like I'm worth nothing.
I have heard from several places, that they aren't surprised that this happened, that it's like that they have been waiting for this to happened, with K. To be honest, can't say that it makes me feel any better... it's like, how did everyone else see it but me. Right now it's not the best thing to hear. I kinda feel like crap still with this whole situation.

The past 2 weeks has been really hard as well.. and it's still hard. Because on Monday, November 21st it was one year ago since my mum passed away. It's been so hard. I can't believe that it's actually already been a year since she passed away. It feels like I have been a zombie all year, have put on a smile on my face. Since I don't know how many times in a week, when I go to bed, I have tears in my eyes because I miss her so much. I thought that it was going to be easier with time. For me it's almost the opposite, it feels like it's getting harder every day. Each day that passes, it hurts more. I just can't believe that I will never see her again, never hear her voice.
It hurts like hell.

Things doesn't end there... my uncle is really sick as well...he needs a bone marrow transplant. Maybe my dad will be the one who gives it to him, if he is a match. There's a lot of things to this story that I can't write about as well. But it's not good things.

When will all the bad things end around me?? Because it just seems to come more and more things... :( Started to think about all the things that has happened to me last years, it's just not one thing...

• my mum became sick. Was sick for 1½ year. Passed away a year ago.
• also about a year ago a friend of mine passed away
• all hell that happened with D.
  
• had to put my cat to sleep
  
• all hell that happened with K
• my uncle is sick.
• there are 2 other things as well. But I can't write about them here, since I don't know who is reading here.
  

These things only in ONE YEAR. When will there be any good things happening to me? I'm so tired of bad things happening all the time around me. But I'm getting used to it, so I guess that they are going to keep happening.

This became a long post, I'm not going to bore you any longer with my problems. But it will take a long time until I will feel good again, if I ever will. Until than, my fake-happy face is on.

RIP mum